Seeing Red
by Batwynn
Summary: Loki has been alive a long time. He's had many partners. So why is it, this one simple mortal, thinks he's allowed to cheat on a god? [ May have a second part] WARNING: Self Harm
1. Seeing Red

Unedited. Please excuse my mistakes.

I do not own any rights to Marvel Characters.

* * *

That morning was cold and foggy, the buildings hidden away as people filed into work. Seagulls flew through the city, more interested in scraps from the hot dog stands, than the crabs from the sea. The tide was out and the air was filled with the smell of mud and stagnant water.  
Loki had slowly grown to love the smells of Earth. Asgard had very natural, honest smells. Spices, leather grease, dusty books. New York was filled with perfumes, a miasma of cooking smells from every culture, car exhaust, and the smell of polluted streets.

The god found himself seated on a bench in Central Park when he saw it. Tony Stark, up usually early the past few days to go to a slew of important meetings. Except, there he was escorting a beautiful red head through the park. He was laughing. Not his publicity laugh, but his honest laugh that usually ended in a stray giggle. Tony's hand was comfortably resting on the woman's hip as they walked. He was being open and honest and that scared Loki more than anything else.  
The god's internal argument was leaning towards a misinterpretation. Until Tony leaned over and kissed those red painted lips slowly and affectionately.

* * *

When they were children, Thor and Loki had gone out on a hunt. It was a secret hunt, just for brothers, so there were no guards or huntsmen with them. They traveled far into the woods, leaving the golden spires behind them. Thor insisted he hold the spear, leaving Loki with a simple hunting knife. He didn't mind, seeing as he was more adept with knives than his brother anyway.

They found no pray and soon were on their way back to the castle, both long since bored of their hunt. Only a mile away from the city limits, they stumbled into a clearing filled with large horned beasts. They froze as a few lifted their heads, still chewing, and gazed at them. Loki tried to warn his brother to back away slowly, but Thor bolted. His small red cape flying behind him, catching the creatures attention immediately. Loki was left behind to face the stampede alone. He tried to run but fell and was trampled over and over again by hooves. His arms shattered, his ribs stabbing into his lungs. The crushing pain was like no other and it was a feeling he never forgot.  
A feeling he felt once more as he watched his lover kiss a beautiful red head in the park.

* * *

"Hey Rudolf, where you going?"

Loki tensed, feeling strangely fearful for a moment. He was in the middle of packing his things into a small casket, feeling guilty for being caught in the middle of such a shameful act. He had wanted to be gone before Tony returned.

"I am packing," he replied tersely, shaking off the guilt. He had every right to leave, there was no reason to feel bad about it.

"Loki, why the hell are you packing?" Tony asked coming over and slipping his arms around Loki's waist. "You don't even pack when you visit Asgard."

"I have no need to bring things to Asgard, since I usually return here afterwards," Loki said quietly, ignoring the hands pressing against his stomach. The very touch was nauseating, those same hands that caressed the woman's face after the kiss. The same hands that still had a small smudge of vivid red lipstick on them from where Tony wiped it off his lips. Loki smiled down bitterly at the red smear, holding back a laugh at the pure mockery of the situation. Tony remembered to wipe the lip stick away to hide his actions, only to broadcast it all the more with a fake show of affection.

Loki's skin began to crawl as he stared down, seeing red.  
Red hair.  
Red lips.  
Red cape.  
Red blood.  
Crushing all the air out of him until he was as thin as paper. As small and insignificant as always. Left behind again and again to be trampled upon.

Loki shrugged his body away from Tony's, his rage simmering into a solid, cold hatred. Hard as ice, deep as the Arctic Ocean. Dark, lonely, and safe.  
"I'm leaving you."

Tony paled, immediately stepping back and slipping his red stained hands behind his back. His attempts at a nonchalant pose failed.  
"Why are you doing this, Loki? I thought we were good?"

"Good is a word meaning to be desired or approved of. Neither of these apply to our relationship any longer."

"What the hell do you mean?!" Tony shouted, his eyes flicking to the side for a moment. "You can't just tell me you're leaving and not give me a reason?"

"My reason?" Loki said softly, his mouth pressed into a thin white line. "I am crushed, Tony. That is my reason."

With a small smile, Loki flicked the casket' slid closed and picked it up. "I have fallen under your tread and you have eagerly walked all over me. My affections, my trust, my… love. You have basked in it until you grew bored."

"You wish to know my reason for leaving?" Loki asked once more, looking Tony in the eye as the ice around his heart cracked ever so slightly. His voice lowered into barely a whisper. "You left me first."

* * *

The first time he purposely hurt himself was three weeks after moving out of the Avengers tower. Thor had been over that day, once more attempting to fix things between Tony and him. Loki stared past his brothers face, instead focusing on the red cape that rolled off his shoulders to the floor.

Thor left after Loki went to the sink and threw up, then screamed at Thor to get away from him. His brother backed away, afraid and ashamed to have caused such a reaction. Loki slammed the door in his face and leaned against it heavily. He vaguely heard Thor say something about returning tomorrow. He didn't care. He didn't want to see red anymore.

But he did. That night he let his pale skin shed away into blue. His eyes drained from green to red as he watched in the mirror.  
Tony used to ask him to change into his Jotun form. He said it was beautiful, especially the red eyes.

Loki stood up straighter and let the cheap robe fall from his body. He turned the shower on as hot as it could go, the arrow pointing to a little red circle. The bathroom filled with steam before he stepped under the boiling hot water and screamed. He stayed still as It burned his skin until it was nearly purple. An hour passed before he crumpled and fell from the shower, pulling the curtain with him as he hit the floor.  
Loki lay there, draped in his green plastic shower curtain, burning his cheeks more with hot tears.  
This was the first time he hurt himself, and the last time he cried.

* * *

"Open the door, Loki," Tony begged for the tenth time in the last hour. "I'm really worried about you, okay?"

"Your annoying older brother is too!"

"He's going to pee on the carpet if you―"  
There was a loud smacking sound that was proceeded with a whiny grunt. Thor knocked louder on the door. "Brother! Open the door please! I have not seen you for months and Tony is here to apologize."

Loki smiled and rolled his head back on the couch to look upside down at the door. "I care not for either of your company. Leave."

"Please," Thor mumbled, his voice sounding closer. Loki imagined him pressing his forehead to the door, eyes closed with a look of anguish. He remembered, after the stampede, looking up and seeing his brother doing the same thing. He was pressing Loki's hand to his forehead, as if mere contact could heal his wounds. He remember the pain of having his arm held up like that, due to the fact that nearly every bone was broken. He remember Thor's perfectly clean face dirtied by Loki's own blood.  
Loki laughed and spoke sharply,"Leave."

Another week passed with Loki enjoying his solitude. The night before, he had curled up in his closet and found that his blood was still red. He spent hours carving thin bloody lines along the white ones that cut through his blue flesh. He smiled sadly as each white line bubbled over with that hated color. He couldn't understand it. He asked himself why he would hurt himself like this when he already felt so broken. But every day he found some way to inflict pain. Every day he found an excuse to see red.

The next day was always spent healing in his pale skin. He never healed his wounds with magic, but let his natural fast healing take its course. It was more painful that way.  
That day, he was sitting on the balcony with a cup of tea. It was early, the morning fog still rolling past his apartment building. He could never bring himself to hate the fog, no matter the memories associated with it.  
There was a sound, so familiar, yet Loki could not quite place it. Seconds later he was crushed under the weight of something heavy and red.

"S-stark?!"

"Oh, so you can talk," Tony said, flipping up the faceplate to look at Loki. "Wait, hang on. Shit." He tried and failed to untangle Loki's robe from a seam in his armor. Loki hissed and disappeared from under him, reappearing in the living room.

"Why are you here, you putrid invertebrate?" Loki asked calmly, once more wrapping his robe around his body. Tony stood and came into the living room, glancing around curiously.

"I needed to talk. I… Jesus Christ!" He rushed forward and grabbed Loki's head, staring down at his face in shock. "What the hell are these cuts?!"

Loki stared back at him evenly. "Nothing of your concern, Stark. So leave."

Tony's eyes followed the small red lines down his neck and stopped. "These follow your Jotun markings," he said slowly, one hand reaching down and pulling the robe open. Loki glared but did not move, even as Tony tore the robe from his body exposing him.  
"What is this Loki? Did you do these?"

"Yes."

Tony paled, his face standing out against his suit. White on red. "Your entire body? You did this to yourself?"

"Yes, Stark."

"Why?"

Loki opened his mouth to answer but found he had none. He snapped his mouth shut and looked away. "It is none of your business," he spoke quietly.

"It is too my business. Look," Tony started, lifting a hand to trace one of the lines down Loki's shoulder. It hurt. "I know I fucked up. All the alien gods of Asgard, I fucked up."

"Lokes, I can't apologize enough. Ever. I'll never be able to say enough to fix this." Tony paused, looking for a reaction from Loki. When he got none, he continued on, "I think, maybe, I can do things to fix it though. I'll start by telling you what it was."

"What what was?"

"Nostalgia," Tony said firmly. "It wasn't because I was tired of you. It wasn't because I wanted to move on, or love another person."

"She reminded me of Pepper, and for a day or two… I just wanted to feel that again."

Loki's carefully composed face twitched slightly, one of the cuts on his cheek started to bleed again. Tony let his suit fall away, reaching up with a hand to wipe off the blood.  
"Loki, I love you. It's been months of being alone, and I still love you. Any moment I spent with her, I still loved you." He smiled sadly and brushed his hand once more over the cut. Loki's eyes followed Tony's hands, stained with red. His eyes widened.

"Oh."

"Oh?" Tony asked, his composure shattering. His eyes grew dark and sorrowful. "That's all you have to say?" He asked quietly.

"No," Loki responded, a weak smile forming. "I just understood something."

"What?"

Loki continued to smile faintly, lifting Tony's hand to his face and pressing it gently against his forehead. He closed his eyes. It felt warm against his skin and remembered how Thor's hands shook as he did this all those years ago. He stayed like this for a few moments, before his skin shimmered into blue once more. He heard a gasp and finally let go of Tony's hand, lifting his red eyes to look at him.

"Beautiful," Tony breathed, his eyes wide in wonder. "You always looked so good in blue."

Loki let out a soft sigh, the never ending stampede of hoofed creatures finally passing from his heart. He let the red cuts heal, once more revealing the white lines that graced his skin. He smiled weakly, but honestly, for the first time in months.

"You always looked good in red."


	2. Waves

**(Part two. Unedited.)**

* * *

The ceiling in Tony's room never looked so beautiful or felt so shameful before that morning. Beautiful because the way the sun glanced off of a blue-glass vase, creating a slash of almost violet light across the room. Shameful because he still hadn't forgiven Tony, yet here he was in his bed again.

This was actually the second time they had slept together since Tony had flown over to his apartment and apologized. The first time was quick and needy, lacking any real affection on either of their parts. This time was slow, as if with each thrust Tony was asking for forgiveness. Loki wasn't ready to forgive. That blue vase was more than likely bought by Pepper.

Tony was surprised how calm the god was in coming home. Well, he wasn't actually staying here. Technically the tower wasn't Loki's home anymore. He had insisted in keeping his small ratty apartment for reasons he didn't feel like stating. Tony got it. Sort of.

Yet here Loki was, lounging in what looked like a happy manor, in his bed after a wonderful night. The sex had been as amazing as he remembered, only, he couldn't understand why they were doing it.

Normally, Tony never questioned sex. It was the answer to all questions, and the question to all answers. No need to over think it. But he had gone over to apologize and make it up to the god because he genuinely cared, not just so he could sleep with him.

So why did this feel so horribly wrong?

"Loki, hey," Tony muttered, poking him with his foot. "Good morning you."

Loki refused to turn and look at him, opting instead to stare at the blue smear on the ceiling. Tony slid closer and stared up at it too, trying to see what Loki saw. Maybe he could catch a little perspective into the god's mind.

He failed. It was a shiny blue line across the ceiling. It really had no meaning to him. In fact, all he could think about was the signals from his stomach telling him it was time to find a kitchen.

"Well, if you aren't getting up first, I'll be the bellwether." Tony sat up and stretched. He cast a weary smile back at Loki and wandered off to find clothes. He caught Loki's faint smile before he left. That was a good sign, wasn't it?

Blue was another color Loki was in a love/hate relationship with. It had taken a few years for him to comfortably wear his blue skin in front of Tony. Now, it felt like all that trust and comfort was lost. The blue scar across the ceiling reminded Loki of his cuts. It reminded him of how Tony used to call him beautiful, and meant it.

Did he still mean it, or was it just a way to get him to come back with him?

"Why," Loki asked the ceiling. "Do I let myself be dragged along like this?"

Loki frowned as another hated memory rose in his mind. Thor, leading the way into Joutenhiem like the glorious hero he thought he was. That blue planet, soon to be revealed as Loki's birth place.

That rotten, cold realm that felt so like home, yet so disgustingly unfamiliar.

Dragged along behind Thor like a child. Ordered around by his brothers friends like a slave. Was Loki not a god as well? Was he really so weakly that he let these people walk over him as he lay in the muck, protecting them from getting dirty.

Was that not all he ever did? Dirty himself to protect his golden, shining brother?

"No", Loki thought. He remembered those shaking hands holding his dirtied one to Thor's forehead. Thor never cared that his face was covered in blood and grime. He cared about his dying brother more than anything. He may not have seen it as well in the later years, but Thor was always willing to get dirtied to keep Loki alive.

So, no. Perhaps, for once, this situation could not be compared to his brother. Loki wondered vaguely if he should speak to Thor about it. The mere thought made his stomach turn in shame.

To have returned here like a cheap whore, sleeping with the unforgiven for no reason other than passion. He needed someone to confide his fears in more than ever. This world had customs Loki was still unsure of. This was, of course, his first time dealing with a cheating partner. Well, the first time dealing with it without killing or miming them in some way.

The city was beautiful today. Beautiful was usually not in Tony's arsenal of words used to describe things. He mainly reserved it for Loki, because Loki was beautiful.

Yet, just for today, New York City was beautiful too.

It was stupidly bright and sunny, the clouds peppering the sky half heartedly. It was windy, something Tony usually disliked. Being one who flew a lot, wind was not exactly his friend.

Today, it was glorious. He could just make out the pitiful trees planted inside sidewalks to 'bring nature back to the city'. They bent and swayed with a steady breeze that curled its way around the buildings.

It was beautiful and Tony wanted nothing more than to show it to Loki.

But was it okay? Was anything okay anymore?

Tony frowned down at his already cooling coffee. He watched the steam rise up and fade away like a fog lifting as the sun rose. He hadn't forgotten that morning. That morning Loki saw him with the red head. Tony knew he must have seen him that very day, because Loki does not wait to make his move. He was packing to leave that same night.

Fog. Tony hated fog. He hated it because it blinded him when he flew. Because it reminded him of his mistakes.

When Tony was eleven, his dad attempted to take him fishing. His new-age therapist suggested to Howard to do something that fathers and sons typically do together.

At six in the morning, they drove out in the ugly wood-paneled car his dad owned long before Howard built his own classics. It was foggy most of the morning, the sky finally opening up with the midday sun.

His dad didn't talk for the entire trip, his eyes miles away from there. Tony had wriggled around, kicked the back of the front seat, popped and un popped the locks, rolled the window up and down seventeen times, and finally had started making spit balls before his dad told him to cut it out. That was the extent of Howard's attention for the rest of the day.

They sat on the side of a lake, unspeaking except for a few minor instructions, and fished. They caught nothing but a sun burn and an egg salad sandwich from a gas station on the way home.

Tony dumped the coffee out without drinking it, tossing the mug in after it with little care. Mistakes.

Addictions were mistakes.

Like drinking alcohol, coffee, and Pepper.

Pepper was a habit he still had trouble kicking. She was easy to use. She was always there to do whatever he needed. Tony cared about her, but he still used her. He hadn't loved Pepper for a long time. Sometimes he wondered if he ever did, considering how poorly he showed it. Not that he had shown Loki his love any better.

Maybe he was incapable of love.

"No," he thought. He remembered the first night he and Loki kissed. He was shaking so badly that even his vision was blurring. Tony never got nervous around people, much less those he wanted to sleep with. It had meant so much to him, that for once, Tony remembered the date. February 14th, five pm, on a roof top. Three years ago.

Did Loki remember? Did the god want to remember things like that? Jesus, why did he sleep with him so soon? Loki's going to feel cheap and used. That's the last damn thing Tony wanted him to feel.

I've got to fix this. I need to fix this.

I need to fix us.

The blue light had crawled its way far across the ceiling before Tony returned. The man looked shaken and slightly sick. Loki sat up, feeling the natural wave of concern at his lover's state.

"Tony... what's wrong?"

Tony looked at him sadly and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I don't think we should keep sleeping together," he replied, his voice oddly shaky. "At least not until we are sure we're okay again. I don't want you to feel used or some shit like that."

"I want you to feel treasured," he continued quietly.

Loki's lips twitched with a smile. It had been so long since he had laughed and smiled, it felt like pulling the old leather straps of a well used saddle into place.

"I understand," he said, reaching over and touching Tony's cheek. "I agree with you, we should not jump right in."

Tony laughed weakly, sounding relieved. "I always used to say, run before you walk. For once, I think I'd just like to go for a walk with you."

Loki thought for a moment, trying to figure out of Tony meant figuratively or literally. He decided he didn't mind either way.

"I would like that very much. Although," he added, slipping off the bed and pulling one of Tony's t-shirts on. He found his pants half way across the room. "I do need to speak to someone before we leave."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"It is hardly a trying matter to take a walk with you."

"That's not what I meant..." Tony started, sighing and shrugging it off. "Never mind. You go talk to whoever. I'm gonna shower."

Loki waved over his shoulder as he left. He found the kitchen easily, as if no time had passed since he left the tower. He stopped and stared at the coffee pot, watching steam rise from it.

I should not do it. I need not do it anymore.

Loki reached out slowly, letting just the skin of his hand turn cold and blue. He winced on contact with the glass pitcher, the boiling heat scorching him. loki felt the familiar sick satisfaction wash over him as his skin burned. It was so much easier to hurt himself in his Jotun form. The skin was much more sensitive to heat than his fake Asir skin.

"Hey!? What are you doing?!"

Loki jerked his hand back and tried to tuck it away behind him before Steve strode forward and pulled Loki's hand into his, examining it closely. "What the heck was that about? Look at it, it's bubbling up."

"It is none of your business."

"It's my business now," Steve replied, opening the freezer and pulling out one of the many ice packs stashed in there. "Here, put this on it." He paused, frowning.

"Why don't you just heal it?"

Loki looked away and muttered something, still holding the ice pack in his other hand.

"What?"

"I don't want to," Loki repeated quietly.

Steve leaned against the counter, crossing his arms. "You don't want to heal yourself. Why not?"

"As I said, Captain, it is none of your business."

"It's my business when someone I know is willingly giving them self third degree burns in our kitchen."

Loki moved across the room in a split second, his snarling face only inches away from Steve's.

"It is not of your concern, mortal," Loki spit the words out with venom, his eyes flashing dangerously. "Leave. Me. Be."

Steve shuddered, his face paling slightly in fear. Loki instantly felt guilty for scaring the man so badly. They had not lived in the same tower without becoming somewhat friendly. He distanced himself quickly, throwing the ice pack into the counter.

"Loki," Steve called out, having already regained his composure. "You can talk to me, you know. You shouldn't be feeling like this. It's not good."

Loki turned and looked at him, a small spark of hope flickering to life inside of him. "Would you... Would you listen?"

"I just offered. So of course."

"And not laugh?"

"I don't find anything about this situation funny," Steve responded seriously.

Loki came closer, leaning on the counter across from where the captain still stood. He looked down at his burnt hand and smiled sadly. "I cannot explain it in its entirety. I have a long history that has made me into what you see today." Loki looked up from his hand, a faint smile on his lips. "It would be quite an epic to tell you everything. So I shall start with Tony."

Steve nodded, once more crossing his arms. His lips formed a tight, disapproving frown at the mention of Stark. Loki nearly laughed at the fact that Tony's own friends were more on his side, than Tony's.

"You undoubtably know already what transpired a few months ago?" Steve nodded in acknowledgment. Loki continued quietly, "I have never been left like this before. My past experiences were usually for much harsher reasoning."

Loki chuckled to himself. "My more hurtful partners were often not seen nor heard from for many years." He added, "If ever again."

"I have never had to... reconcile with someone before this." Loki sighed and rubbed his chin with his unharmed hand. "Since I am unaccustomed to mortal traditions on the matter, I do not know where to stand."

"As it is, I feel like some cheap whore used for his pleasure. Perhaps," Loki spoke softer. "I made a mistake in returning here."

Steve waited a moment for him to continue, before he spoke, "Loki, why are you hurting yourself? How long have you been doing it?"

"Months..."

"Again, why?"

Loki sighed, irritated with himself for a lack of a decent answer. He decided to be honest. "I do not know. When I left I felt such a weight on me that I could barely move. I have only ever felt that once before. The last time, I nearly died."

"I feel like I must do it, or I'll break apart," he added softly.

"Have you broken apart before?"

Loki raised an eyebrow and shook his head. Steve continued, "Then you won't do it now. So stop. So Tony didn't treasure you as much as you hoped. It doesn't mean you can't treasure yourself."

"Besides," Steve added, smiling at last. "I'm pretty sure he will bend over backwards, scour the world, and possibly kill people just to make things up to you."

"I do no see that as possible."

"Hey, you weren't here to watch him fall apart. Trust me, he would do anything to make you happy again. He may be a jerk, but he's a jerk in love."

Tony banged his head on the shower wall a few times to try to shake his nervousness away. He tried it a few more times, just in case an extra hard smash could jostle it out of him.

He was panicking in a way he never thought possible. All the things he wanted to do with Loki, seemed dangerous to attempt at this time. Walks in the park, sex, dinners, snuggling. Everything had this weird connection to that stupid woman.

That red head who turned out to be more than he bargained for. He had an Indiana Jones moment when he was woken up in the middle of the night by her sleep talking. It turned out she was a corporate spy sent by a rival tech company to suck the secrets of his success out of him. Possibly literally. He would have preferred a Nazi spy. Then, at least, he could have just blasted her out a tower window.

So not only did he cost himself the one person in his life he couldn't live without, but also endangered his company. At the time, he couldn't give a shit about the company. Everything was about Loki. His poor, hurt god.

But Pepper got on his case about company secrets and forced him to up the security. It was a welcome distraction from his lack of Loki.

Tony scowled at the tiled floor below him, wiggling his toes in the streams of water washing over him. He turned the water off roughly and ended up snapping the control dial off.

"Great," he muttered, throwing it on the floor and wrapping himself in a green towel. He bought them when Loki moved in. It was sort of a bribe to get the god to share a room with him. It had worked at the time. Now, all Tony wished for was a bribe that could fix things. Not that he wanted to go the cheap way out.

After a battle with some clothes, he managed to dress in a blazer and a pare of black jeans. He didn't want to over do it. Or under do it.

God, it was as stressful as their first date.

Tony meandered off to find the kitchen again, finally finding his appetite returning after the inner turmoils of that morning. Loki's voice was coming from somewhere down the hall. He stopped in his tracks, perking his ears to hear what he was saying. It was too muffled to make it out, so he snuck closer to the kitchen doorway.

Damn him and his layouts. There was no way to approach the kitchen without being seen. Actually, he could blame Pepper for that one. 'Open spaces help the rooms breath' or some shit like that.

Tony scooted down and peeked around the far corner into the kitchen. Loki was talking to Steve, his face moving between sadness and mild amusement. He still couldn't make out what he was saying, but he could follow Loki's expressions pretty easily. It was clearly about him, that much was obvious.

Tony's brow furrowed when Loki suddenly smiled at Steve. It was warm and full of affection. Tony gritted his teeth and continued to watch them, trying his damnedest to not jump out there and bludgeon Steve with the blender.

Steve reached out and held Loki's hand. The god's face lost all of its tension in that single moment. Tony had had enough. He turned away and slipped down the hall, his heart freezing over.

Loki knew something was wrong when he had trouble keeping up with Tony. Considering the man was considerably smaller, it was usually impossible.

"Tony, please slow down," Loki called out, reaching out and grabbing Stark's arm. "And tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong? You should know," Tony snapped, keeping his face turned away. "I suppose it's fair, though."

"What is fair? Tony, I don't understand what is going on."

Loki frowned, noticing that the arm under his hand was shaking.

"Tony —"

"I saw you!" He snapped, turning at last to look at Loki. His eyes were large and watery, his lip trembling slightly in rage and sorrow. "I saw you and Steve 'talking'."

"And? Why does this upset you to this extent?"

"Why? Why?!" Tony shouted, jerking his arm away from Loki's grip. "I saw him hold your hand. I saw the way you looked at him. Your face all filled with love... You..." Tony stuttered and coughed, hiding his face behind his arm and turning away as tears fell freely. "You don't look at me that way anymore."

Loki yanked the arm away from his face, pulling Tony close. He snarled in anger. "You selfish, foolish twit. You think that was love you saw in my eyes? You are so wrong." He paused, looking down into the fearful face below him. "Do you want to know why I don't look at you that way anymore?"

Tony shivered and shook his head, no. Loki ignored it. "Because I was looking at him with trust, not love. I can't look at you that way because I don't trust you right now."

Tony choked and laughed weakly. "Oh... that actually makes sense."

Loki frowned and wiped a few tears from his cheeks with a thumb. "Why are you crying? You never cry."

Tony tried to jerk away again, only to be held in place firmly by Loki's death grip. Tony grumbled and closed his eyes, avoiding looking at him.

"I was scared, okay?"

"Scared?"

Tony squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shuddering sigh. "I can deal with you not trusting me. Hell, I wouldn't trust me as far as you can throw me." He paused and opened one eye, adding, "Please don't throw me."

Loki raised and eyebrow.

"What I can't deal with," Tony continued, opening both eyes to stare up at Loki. "Is losing you for good. So, even if you don't trust me, that's fine. You don't even... have to love me right now." He paused, another tear sliding down his face. "Just don't leave me for that dumb ass American eagle. Or anyone."

Loki stared at him for a moment in disbelief before he laughed.

"I would not have returned to the tower with you if I had intended to be with someone else. Is it not obvious why I came back?"

"I don't know. You don't trust me, so I have no clue."

"Because I love you. It may be foolish and it hurts me a lot to be there..." he paused, thinking of his now healed hand. "But I am in love with you and love makes us do foolish things."

Tony was shaking, clearly trying to hold back a fresh wave of tears. His face was a mess of emotions, cheeks red and eyes squeezed shut again in effort.

"Oh fuck this!" He exhaled, wrapping his arms tightly around Loki and burying his face in his chest. Loki smiled to himself, nestling his face into Tony's soft hair. The swayed together, each lost in the comfort of one another. After a few moments, Tony muttered something into Loki's chest.

"Excuse me?" Loki asked.

"Why was Steve touching your hand?"

Loki smiled sadly, tightening his arms around Tony. " I burnt myself by accident. He was just offering and ice pack."

Tony grumbled softy, nuzzling his face into Loki's chest. "You need to be more careful from now on."

"Oh, I will. I promise I shan't have any more accidents," Loki said. And he meant it.


End file.
